This anxiety cause psychosomatic problem to my body. I start have problem in my liver. I got itch on my skin. While consulting to doctor, he said that it was caused by anxiety.
Then I went to psycholog to help me solve the problem. She ask me when I start feeling anxious. Since when. How is my childhood circumstances. How is my nowadays.
She found that my life is full with strain. My parents always push me to keep everythings right, to do everything perfectly, no fault at all. They always push me study hard to enter the best school. They push me to remember all the answer of their question for History subject. They told me to answer Math correctly. Even my father scold me when I fall from bicycle (what's wrong with fall from bicycle? It only hurt you for a second!). These process make me succeed to finish my education in the best school but the same time make me sick!
Simply my parents push me to do everything perfect. If I got fail, they always remind me of these failure. It fill my heads with failure and mistake.
So the psycholog ask me to fight against negative thinking. She ask me to write down my feelings every time I feel anxious. First, I wrote the circumstances and what I feel at the moment. Second, I wrote about the things make me feel anxious. I wrote how many percent is my anxiety. Then, she told me to write down the things that didn't support my feeling. The thing that make me feel I shouldn't be anxious at all. I was surprised that they are soooo much things that make me feel free from anxiety! I've made many achievement. I got the best score for National Exam while I'm in Elementary School! I've succeed to enter the best school in town. Instead thinking of my failure, I'd better think about my achievement than my failure and mistakes.
Until this writing being published, I still fight against it-is-useless-to-do-because-you-will-fail feeling. But at least I don't feel anxious anymore.
